I love my mom but I dont like who she has become. Is this normal? I feel so guilty?

Complicated back story but I will try to sum it up. My parents were together for nearly twenty years they split up when I was 6. But they didn't move into separate homes just separate bedrooms. She was constantly yelling and degrading my father so I am glad they split up. But while yet were separated my mother became involved with a famous musician (from another country Not US) and basically abandoned us (my sister brother and I) for nearly 6 years. She came in and out of our lives but only for a few hours on Sundays. She squandered all the savings my father (a relatively wealthy jeweler) created for us (my bro Sis and I) she was a custodian so legally she could do whatever she wanted. Sold all the jewelry he left for us in safety deposit boxes. And spent it on her musician boyfriend who became her husband. Her husband cheated on her, beat her, and cleaned out all the money. After this she came "back" into our lives looking for love from us but then became enamored with a young dj (he was 29 she was 50). She married him and her life became all about him. At this time she had nothing (no assets within the US) besides a lucrative business that does generate money but only if she is there working and had to start from scratch so she started doing what all pretend rich people do. Renting fancy houses driving nice cars but no cash anywhere. Or so we thought! Come to find out she built a club for her husband nearly 5 years ago. Everything was for him. He recently was caught red handed cheating on her he treats her like garbage. But I wonder if it's karma coming back around to her. I can't help but to feel guilty for saying that I'm so confused! She always says how she hates her life and leaves the country for months at a time without saying anything. She only calls me when she needs me to talk to banks for her or valance her checkbook. Our relationship is all business. Except for the countless hours she spends talking about her husband. I wonder if she really loves me. She's hot and cold one day she's talking great about you and the next day you are her enemy who's trying to sabotage her life. She gets jealous if we dress better than her or if we (the girls of the family) look nicer than her physically. She always accuses us of wanting her husband. She always says that none of us will be as good as her. She is just hurtful. I've never been to the mall movies beach or anything like that with my mom. She's never been to a teacher conference or anything close to it. Except she did make it to my high school graduation. My dad did all those things. Now my mother is more of a financial helper she gives us money when we need it. But makes us feel guilty at times I'm confused I feel guilty bc my mom does give me money so I shouldn't feel disappointed ? But I want more than money I want warmth and compassion and love. Not a competition about looks or husbands or success. And that's all it is. Constant competition! She creates competition between my sisters and I ( I have 3 sisters that have a different father than me my Sis and bro). I don't understand her? I feel guilty because I'm more peaceful when I'm away from her. Idk what to do i dont know what's best for my life!