I'm Having Really Bad Thought's Help Me What Do i do?

I'm Having Really Bad Thought's. I Don't No where else to turn. I Been threw a lot in and out of Forster care sense i was 13teen. My mom was on pills really bad so me and my sister got took. we moved from Forster care homes in till we got place with a family friend. We hated living there she was so mean all she did was scream. But we took it because she lived right down the street from my grand mother. so we got to see her. My mom always had money so she would buy us all new pairs of shoes all new clothes give us money to go to the shop to get our hair done. i guess she felt bad .So i was very poplar in middle school because i had all the new shoes and things everybody loved me. Despite what i was going threw. so when i got out of middle school everything went down from there. i left all my friends and went to this school where thing's wasn't going great. so i stop going to school so i stay at home all day in my room sleeping all day. time pass and i turn 16teen and the lady i had been staying with had took over my mom rights so i was out of Forster care. i didn't have to check in with my workers anymore. So i left her house to go stay with my mom and she was still bad on pills but i wanted to be with her i didn't care. This is where the bad thoughts come in at. Every sense i was younger i was the only child for a long time i was lonely my mom never really was around she was a party girl always out at night club's the only thing i had was nice things.From 7 years old till now i have bad dreams about dieing and everyone i love dieing almost every night i have dreams about getting on drugs and getting rape. it been like this sense i was young. my mom was never around so i use to stay up all night so i wouldn't dream. Then my mom got hook on drugs really bad. i use to see her friends use all types of drugs. I was expose to this at a young age. For The Last 2years since i was 15 teen I'm 17 teen now. i been sitting in this room not going outside not going to party's with my friends. Doing nothing fun like teenagers my age.i sleep all day i try to watch over my mother so she want over dose. She put me down talk about me i guess because she unhappy with her self. i lost all my friends because i don't never leave this room. i just watch TV all day and cry. I Keep thinking bad thing's first i thought i was gay because this one girl tired to come off on me. i never Liked girls and anyway but i never thought i was gay till she put it in my head. i always liked boy's i wanna be with boy's matter fact I'm in love with this boy. but these thoughts keep coming in my head and its driving me crazy. i do'nt know what to think. then i watch law in order and it was a case of a lady being a child molester. and i started thinking what if I'm a child molester? What if i like kids? I never thought like this in till i saw that show. Now my mind is going crazy. then i look at everybody in a sex way, I'm 17teen a virgin haven't kiss or had contact with a boy in 4 year's. the boy I'm in love with live out of state. I'm Just Thinking about Killing Myself i ca'nt take it. my friend told me its normal to have thoughts like that when i see type's of show's like that. but i keep kicking myself for even having bad thoughts like that i would never do anything to kids. i been around kids my whole life and never thought of anything like that. my friend also think I'm stress out and that i got to much time on my hand's from staying in this room so long. i just wanna die please help me PLEASE NO BAD COMMENTS I'M ALREADY SAD please Help Me =(